My friends, it’s been a long journey. But I’ve finally made it to 30 days with absolutely no drinking or other… related behaviours.
Say what?! You heard me. Suck it, societal norms.
I’d just like to give a shout-out to my n-words who bought me cran-sodas at the bar and told me I was fun without alcohol. Because I am. Quite possibly even more fun.
Needless to say I’ve learned a few things about myself and other people in the last month and I’d like to share them with you via words. I’ll just let them flow out of my fingertips filter-free starting…..nnnnow.
- RED BULL is not an equivalent to drinking. Yes, it gets you hyped up and you feel like dancing all night but so does cocaine and cocaine is certainly not good for you. I regretted it as soon as 4:30 am rolled around and I was lying in my bed practically convulsing with energy. “Maybe I’ll just not sleep and go to the gym in an hour?” I thought to myself. This thought was immediately followed by a ‘crash’ that would put the god damn movie Crash to shame. Sorry, Sandra Bullock. I slept for days and dreamt of sword-fighting on unicorns. Never again.
- People really don’t like hearing that you’re doing sober things. I received several text messages asking what was up for the night and I slowly learned that people do NOT respond when you tell them you’re playing Scrabble. And ask them to join, because your cat doesn’t know how to spell.
- Ordering cranberry sodas at the bar makes you feel very, very pregnant. The bartender nods and turns away, just to turn back and repeat your order. Wait. You don’t want… *looks down at stomach, back up to face* Sure, sure. Coming up.
- And on that note, what the fuck is with the size difference between non-alcoholic and alcoholic drinks? You order a bar rail drink and they give you a tiny ass six ounce cup and fill it – over-flowingly – with ice, three-quarters full with liquor and then a minuscule amount of your choice of mix. But then you order the same thing sans alcohol and they give you the biggest cup they have in the restaurant, sometimes a pail if it suits them, and little to no ice. Like, thank you, I did want to look 12 years old tonight! I’m so glad you could help me with that. Hmm, it’s almost as if they don’t want you to come back to the bar and order another $2 drink. Coincidence? I THINK NOT.
- Drunk people do not respect your personal space. I think that’s a given, and almost everyone knows it. But one thing you should refrain from doing is telling them politely to respect it. I swear, you tell one guy to take his arm off your shoulder and a hush falls over the entire bar. Everyone looks over. Did she just do that? That poor guy, he was just trying to be drunk. What an insensitive bitch. LESSON LEARNED, just walk away.
- Some people will stick around, some people won’t. I kind of expected that. But the weirdest thing about it all is finding out who is purely uncomfortable socializing with someone who’s not fucked up. I was totally fine after a few weeks with going out (to some places) while my friends were drinking around me. But then you run into people who literally do not know how to have a conversation with someone who’s not on that level. You’re going to have challenges later in life if that’s a problem you’re facing.
- I LOST SO MUCH STOMACH WEIGHT. Almost a big enough reason to continue not drinking on it’s own. But I gotta add wine back into the mix.
Biggest lesson learned is that I increased my happiness tenfold. I can wake up early, eat well, treat my body well. I get the lure but I had too much trouble resisting it, so the step back helped. Thirty days might not be a lot in the big picture, but man did it change my perspective on a lot of things.
So with that done, I’m moving on to my next challenge. Thirty days eating paleo. It can’t be too hard if I’m allowed to eat bacon.
xx
KG
call me KG 